The cardiac chronicles...and an upbeat tune

"Go ahead, push yourself." Those are basically the words I got as I was leaving the electrophysiologist's office last week. At age 26 this was the 8th one I have been to. 2 of the 8 have actually operated on my heart. Some don't consider cardiac ablations operations, but let me tell you, when it's your heart they're sticking probes and catheters and lasers into while you're out, you consider it a pretty significant thing. Especially when they tell you there is a 70% risk you could come out of it with a pacemaker. 

I guess we should start with a little back story. At age 18, I had been an EMT for 2 years. I grew up with a respiratory therapist for a mom. A mom that had been through a cardiac ablation for SVT (supraventricular tachycardia). One night I was lying in bed feeling sluggish and like my heart was skipping beats. After checking my pulse and finding that it was indeed irregular, I freaked out. The next day at work I was feeling the same way and the medic I was working with hooked me up to our LifePak 12 and found sinus tachycardia with multiple PVC's, or premature ventricular contractions, which were those skipped beats I was feeling. So off to the cardiologist I went with my handy EKG strip in hand. It took 3 years, multiple holter monitors and one very effective event monitor to find the exact problem. I had tried 2 different medications that only made me extremely tired and didn't correct the problem in those 3 years as well. I was thankful to be referred to an electrophysiologist who had also taken care of the Vice President of the United States and who didn't hesitate to say "Let's stop messing around with medication and get this fixed". A very scary experience at the age of 21, but I felt so much better afterward and was able to lose 30 pounds by getting back to the gym and running with my husband. I was eating better and swore off any form of energy drink and limited my coffee intake, as well as watching my salt intake. I was given the go ahead to have a baby, but cautioned that I would need to have special care during pregnancy to make sure nothing went wrong. Some doctors have told me one arrhythmia has nothing to do with the other, some have said that my heart is more susceptible to arrhythmias because I have had them in the past. I tend to err on the side of caution. After Little Tink was born, I was focused on staying healthy and losing that baby weight. I got down to my pre baby shape and was loving walking every day with the little one and going to the gym a few times a week. Then the problems started all over. I noticed my workouts getting more and more difficult. I was getting winded at things I had been doing with such ease before. I had a newborn, but knew the tiredness I was feeling was just like what I had felt before. It was back. There I was again, checking my pulse every 10 minutes to see just how fast it was beating. The fear was overpowering and I stopped going to the gym. I still walked every day, but increasing dizziness and one very scary ER trip landed me right back in another Dr.'s office. This one was not so great. He found the problem, but since it was in the sinus node of my heart (the natural pacemaker of your heart, if you will) he didn't want to operate. So what was I supposed to do? Take a medication that would make me spacey and tired, unable to keep up with a very active 18 month old? Not being able to do the things I loved like working out and being active? Unacceptable. SVT and atrial tachycardia may not be life threatening in the sense that you are going to drop over dead from them, but they can turn into more. They also wear down your heart over time. I wasn't going to settle for his answer. With an upcoming move, I decided to go back to PA and go one of the best hospitals I knew. A family friend had given me a recommendation for his electrophysiologist. I was evaluated and scheduled for surgery. This was the one where I was told there was a 70% risk of coming out with a pacemaker. That was something that almost made me not go through with it. Yes, it's a stupid thing to be afraid of a pacemaker, I would tell any patient that they are more helpful than harmful and they let you enjoy a normal life. But I'm the worst patient ever and I rarely let what I know of medicine calm me down, because hey, it's my body. I ended up having the ablation, and the first words out of the doctor's mouth were "We got it, and no pacemaker for you!". I was so relieved. And then the regret came in the next few days. My heart was fixed, but I was still having abnormal beats while my heart healed. They were different now. Harder, stronger and more like a horrible hiccup in my heart. I was bradycardic and so run down. A friend of mine hooked me up to a monitor when my heart rate dipped into the 40's and it showed a bundle branch block. I was sent to the ER where the nurses thought I was having a heart attack. I was struggling with chest pain and dizziness while they tried to figure out what was going on with this 24 year old girl. Thankfully, my doctor came to the rescue and said "No, she's not having a heart attack, that's the way her heart beats now that we modified her sinus node". By that time the ativan had kicked in and I was as high as a kite, laughing at the fact they got it wrong. Not nice, I know. After that, I felt pretty good and my heart got back to normal after about 3 months. 

I know the importance of keeping your heart strong and healthy. I work very hard at this because even though I can't do much about an electrical problem in my heart, I can keep it as healthy as possible so it is better off if another problem arises. In this kind of life, the military one, I don't have much control over my stress level. Sure, I can choose how I handle it, but cutting down stress? Not sure how to do that. Last summer I bought an elliptical, knowing I didn't want to go through a deployment in Alaska, sitting on my butt in the house all winter. In the summer I was able to jog and bike with Little Tink, but in the winter...forget it. Winter sports aren't my thing. Cold isn't my thing. This lovely machine took a beating, let me tell you. The place I was in emotionally when I bought it was bad. I would have days when I was listening to angry girl music yelling out the lyrics like I was yelling them to a real person while I jogged my way through an iFit workout. Other days I would let the depressing songs play on Pandora and bawl while Jillian Michaels would tell me to "Keep going". 

A few months ago I started having trouble getting through the workouts as they got tougher. So I went back to easier ones. Even those were getting hard. I was having irregular heartbeats again. This time there was no tachycardia. I kept a log of my heart rate at rest and while working out. It was wonderful. I am even at the point now where I have a slow resting heart rate, which my doctors are happy about. My heart is strong, but there was still something wrong. Yes, I am more aware of what a PVC or PAC feels like. I know when I feel bigeminy or trigeminy. I also know that I shouldn't feel dizzy or out of breath doing workouts that I have been doing for months. I shouldn't have to stop and try to catch my breath when I stand up from the couch because my heart is flopping like a goldfish out of water. Here comes Dr. number 8. 

I had seen a doctor in the town where we live who did tests and concluded that my heart was healthy and I was just more sensitive to the minor things that were going on. These records and tests were sent to the new doctor out of town. There were different options that were given. We can do a year long, implanted event monitor. The placement would be much like a pacemaker, under the skin and would record my heart for a year. We could go for another ablation, probably not find the exact problem and it would be a waste. Medication isn't an option because of my previous surgeries. They would now be more dangerous than beneficial. Yes, they could see there was another arrhythmia, but it was benign. I could live with it. Yes, it was disruptive to my lifestyle, but I could choose to push through it. I could choose to ignore what was scaring me so much and go on. With those words and that ok given by someone who knew much better than I did, I made up my mind. I would take his advice and "go for it"...until I fell over or went into a dangerous rhythm, I would be ok. I can't sit around worrying about that though. The worst thing would be to stop the things that are good for me, like running and doing my leg workouts. So knowing now that I need to keep my potassium and magnesium at a high normal level, I push forward. 

The past few days I have been doing workouts that literally make sweat drip off my body. It feels great. I have rid my iPod of any negative songs and replaced them with upbeat, happy tunes that make me smile and run harder and faster. Today I had a little help from Andy Grammer... 

"Only rainbows after rain 

the sun will always come again 

and it's a circle, circling around again

 it comes around again

But you gotta keep your head up, oh

 and you can let your hair down, eh

I know it's hard

I know it's hard to remember sometimes

But you gotta keep your head up, oh

And you can let your hair down, eh!" 

Yeah, I had that one on repeat. Working out is a lot more enjoyable when you're not using anger to fuel your momentum. So I'm all stocked up on dried mango, bananas and keeping my diet heart healthy with plenty of oatmeal and whole grains. Don't get me wrong, there are going to be days when this girl needs to grab a beer and a steak and I'm going to ignore my hands when they swell from the salt. I do believe my recent attitude adjustment and change in my outlook on life has helped a lot too. You can listen to songs that tell people "Forget  you" to focus on the anger you feel, or you can fill your mind with happy thoughts and lyrics that make you feel like dancing around the house like a fool...so now, back to my silly little song...."This is just a journey, drop your worries...you are gonna turn out fine, ooooohh you turn out fine..."